Mom Porn

Mom’s need to unwind, relax, take a breather and have some self care.  It feels selfish.  It feels wrong and taboo like looking at porn almost to want time unto yourself for yourself when you have a kiddo.  

Here’s my current fantasy…
a hotel suite with crisp white sheets, blackout curtains,  a deep, long tub, bottle of red wine and chocolate mousse.  David is optional, eh no I need him too. 

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Kempinski Hotel Bangkok courtesy of Google image search

Mom’s can you hear me?  Feel free to drop me a line with your current fantasy even no matter how far-fetched or lame.  If it is someone to wash, fold and put away your laundry SAY YAAAS QUEEN!


Running on Empty


Self care is NOT selfish.  Self care saves lives, minds, and marriages.  If you aren’t taking time to refuel your reserves you are doing yourself a disservice and you will crash.  If you have been running on empty and swerving to avoid inevitable head on collisions… STOP NOW! Go grab some wine, chocolate, a movie, a book, some knitting, a best friend and let go.  Get that mani/pedi or facial or massage. 

Ask for help.  You are not weak.  You are taking care of you so you can take better care of your family, life, work etc.  YOU are important.  

Confessions of a new mother

The other day when my hubby was home for the weekend, engaged in deep play with our little nugget, I stole away to the bathroom to take a much desired(read necessary) shower.  Full transparency and TMI disclosure;  I took my coffee and texted a friend all while sitting on the porcelain throne.  I know there are other mothers out there who understand my plight.  This was a much needed reprieve from mommying to take care of two necessary and basic functions.  And YES I took full advantage of the sanctity of the bathroom to reconnect with my good friend.  I realize this sanctuary will only last until Z is able to walk unaccompanied and turn door handles so, I’m getting in my time now!

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Greetings from Seattle

1200x800FremontTrollThis post is incredibly overdue! The hubs and I pulled up stakes and slipped out of the Sunshine State in late April 2015 for the charms of the PNW otherwise known as Seattle WA! He was headhunted by a school that will remain nameless and I was lucky enough to be able to work remotely for a tech start up! Kismet! Below is the true story of our drive north…

“We started on a Tuesday and we drove all night the doo run run run the doo run run…”In all seriousness, we left about 2 hours later than planned. The truck was JUST the right size 16×16.

We drove all day into the night taking shifts and only stopping for food and potty breaks. Around 12 midnight we arrived in Eugene, OR at a Super 8 hotel exhausted and stinky saying “I’m too old for this ish” Danny Glover Lethal Weapon style. We waited in the cold misty parking lot while a truck driver and the third shift attendant tried to figure out why he wasn’t in her system even though he’s a regular customer.  I was on my best behavior dear friends, there were no long suffering sighs or angry looks The next morning we woke up and got back on the road to WA, ignoring the “superstar breakfast” at Super 8.  Let’s be honest there were no stars, if they could have negative starts I’d have given them. We drove through Portland, no we drove over it via a bridge… I think it was cute. There wasn’t much sight seeing unfortunately, we were on a mission with focused intent, that and a deadline for dropping off the contents of our truck.  It seems, whenever a move happens, there’s never time built in for leisurely sight-seeing along the way.  We’re more of a “get it done expediently” kind of couple.

Wednesday around 1-1:30pm we arrived at the storage unit and here is where I realized that I never changed the size of the unit when we upgraded the size of the truck. 10×10 is quite tiny for fitting the contents of an entire 1 bdrm apartment, however there weren’t any larger units so the unit was stacked snugly to the rafters. There’s a little bit of a worry that the door would pop open because it was bursting at the seams but the gods were on our side and the lock held. We then drove the huge empty truck to our AirBnB, met one of the owners, unpacked and pretty much passed right out.

The AirBnB was really cute, & charming aka rental speak for really tiny. It was however VERY well designed and absolutely functional. We had a kitchenette with a 2 burner hot plate, a microwave, a toaster oven and a mini fridge and a 4 cup coffee maker. There was a high top table and with barstools. The bathroom was also really well designed and felt more spacious than any of my former NYC bathrooms  and the SF one as well, all because of good design flow & layout. Oh! Ha! Thursday afternoon Dave and I spent hanging out with  my cousin on my mother’s side of the family, he was kind enough to drive us home. During that drive we learned that our current residence is ‘hood’ because its south of Genesse Ave. Um this coming from a dude that spent summers on the wrong side of Schoolcraft Ave! Its not completely hood but it definitely has some moments once you leave the historic quaint section of Columbia city heading north.  Lets just say crossed Columbia City off our list of potential apartment searches…Dave and I are feeling less enthusiastic about being trailblazers in gentrification…

Thursday morning we had a quick breakfast before returning the truck. Side note…Siri really has to take into account types of vehicles being driven and the turning radius capability of said vehicles.  After dropping off the truck we walked over to the LightRail to get downtown and learned that we could purchase a card just like in SF and NYC! Hooray right?! Yes…although when I attempted to purchase MY card I got hosed and was forced to  submit an online form(from my phone- thanks technology) so that I can be reimbursed.  There is no transit authority person to speak to at ANY of the stations everything is automated. That just seemed silly to us former New Yorkers but we’re adaptable. We got downtown and explored, took in the sights the culture and like “the little Lebowski overachievers” that we are we began looking at apartments to get a true idea of what the real estate market truly is.

We saw apartments, boy oh boy did we see apartments! Full service, behemoths and smaller versions with less amenities. Honestly 1 of these places has about 20 other properties but the one we looked at first has over 700 units 3 towers with gyms in each, 1 tower has a swimming pool while the others just have resistance pools, full gyms with saunas, meeting rooms, decks, community rooms, fire pits and BBQ’s. It’s obscene and yet affordable in comparison to rent prices we’ve paid before.

Ultimately we settled into a gorgeous 1bdr in Capitol Hill that hit all our must haves specifically dishwasher and w/d in the unit.

Happy as clams we even adopted adorable puppies!  Introducing Riggs and Murtaugh, our Lethal Weapons of cuteness.

There have been some changes during the year and a half we’ve called Seattle home, some bumps along the road but all in all we are navigating it with aplomb. I think it’s high time I bring you some puppy hi-jinks so please stay tuned!


Your friendly neighborhood peanut

Another missive for the Universe

No really, Are you there Universe? It’s me, again and this is bound to be long winded, take a seat…

Let’s start by saying THANK YOU for so many things…you want a list, OK you got it!
  • Thank you for sending David, he’s everything I asked for and more most likely since that’s how you like to work 😉
  • the wedding; as stressful as it was(likely by my own control freak issues)it was beautiful and everyone who stood to witness it is part of my heart forever)
  • Thank you for making the move to SF less fraught with pitfalls then what was anticipated,
  • for the job at Gymboree(and letting me see my way out of it when the time came)
  • for introducing me to the joy of running(who knew and really I’d like to get back on that) and rock climbing,
  • for re-connections with old friends and meeting great new ones.
  • Even for SBC because it revealed to David his love of teaching the next generation of animators,
  • for the job at Fuze which let us move more easily to Seattle with 2 steady incomes!
  • For giving me the ability to pick up new concepts, technologies and workflows in unknown industries.
  • For our apartment in such a great neighborhood,
  • for Jay being here to show us the ropes a bit,
  • For our puppies who bring us joy-filled belly laughs daily.
  • For my parents getting their dream house
  • For Mocha’s visit, Sarah’s visit, our parents visits, Ashley’s visit,
  • moving Nate and Amy here.
  • Thank you for making me resourceful and capable in the face of WA EDD and all their rigmarole
  • for putting GJ in my path to help me move toward to the amazing things you have planned for me next.
Now about the “amazing planned next” agenda,and how soon it could start; I have some thoughts.  Brianne has an idea, embryo that she’s been growing for 3 years and she’s shared it with me.  Let me tell you, it scares me something wicked while simultaneously making my heart flutter, my throat constrict, and my eyes water at the prospect of something magical and real coming out of it.  I feel like I want to be part of it, she wants me to be part of it, she sees us doing it together. I’m still looking for my hearts most passionate purpose and this could be it. It’s close to the idea I had when I first got into the business about having my own piece of the industry. Universe, I’m craving something bigger, better and more fulfilling then what I’ve been up to since, since too long to measure.  Something creative, collaborative and inspiring that brings me joy and profit; really I can’t stress enough the fact that wealth and prosperity are important to me, my version of wealth & prosperity.  Should we that criteria again? We are able to pay bills while simultaneously having money to sock away for vacations, retirement, schooling, pet care, childcare and an inheritance for those kids (yup plural and I know I’m getting up there so, everything that goes along with that). We are able to donate time, & resources to charities and help out family when or if they need it without feeling the burden of less.  If you could see fit to align everything with ease and grace; to get us back closer to family, in a town with opportunity for us to finally settle in and build a life I’d be extremely grateful.  We aren’t going to live with our life on hold anymore.  “Leap and the net will appear”  we are working towards that kind of faith.  I can give you deadline(don’t we all work better with deadlines?) Mid August 2016 is ideal for this fantastic life I know you have planned for us, don’t you think?  I know you want us to prosper, be happy, fruitful and multiply(that last part our parents are really hoping for) and we want to do our part.  Show me how to help you help us.  We are ready to receive our good now. 
Thanks in Advance,
Your friendly little Peanut

Reality Check

I really admire the clean minimalist aesthetic of the design blogs I follow.  I’m consistently drawn to images of bedrooms with lush bedding, contrasted against sleek furniture, white walls brass side tables and simple industrial rods displaying all the clothes of the inhabitant as if you walked into a posh boutique.  Living rooms that with neutral paint, soft pastels and pops of metal, mirror, and wood.

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For me it feels like an unobtainable ideal.  I’m a clothes horse, a shoe horse and a self proclaimed accessory whore.  My belongings seem to spill out of every cubby, drawer, or closet that I’ve appointed for them.  When the bed does get made it never feels like these rooms.  The living room always ends up with remotes stuck in between couch cushions, magazines I’ve picked up and laid down covering the coffee table, and various pairs of shoes strewn about the floor.

Part of me logically knows these rooms are staged, that at least 3 times a week they must look like everyone else’s, unmade bed, clothes littering the floor, unwashed cups in the sink…right?!  Or is that just me? Where do they keep all of their stuff??  The detritus of life?  Do I really have too much stuff?  These folks can’t be that “together” all the time can they?  This is how I’d like my living room to look all the time,

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in truth it never really does appear this neat because we LIVE in it.  And, yes that is my husband being silly in the mirror.  I aspire to a home that could be photographed at any moment, but I’ve come to the conclusion its going to be a work in progress for us and I’m learning to live with that.

Tell me… how do You keep your home neat and presentable?

DELIVER US FROM…well delivery! aka The Couch saga…

After 10 years in New York I could safely say I was a New Yorker.  I knew the best routes for avoiding rush hour traffic in a cab(NEVER TAKE 8TH AVE), where to get my jeans hemmed authentically(the denim doctor @ denim surgeon on 43rd st near Bryant Park) and that the best dim sum is actually to be found in Flushing Queens, just to name a few…I had my groceries, and my laundry delivered and had no shame about it!   I say all that to say this, I had become accustomed to fast, prompt, downright speedy delivery of basically any and everything that my little heart desired(including the delivery of my self to and from places).  I thought I was prepared  for the pace to slow down when we moved to San Francisco, but I was not prepared for my delivery services to become so…difficult.

Which leads us to the saga of the couch.  Dave and I sold pretty much everything, EVERYTHING when we moved here. Most of our precious belongings had been relegated to 30 large packing boxes, two trunks, and three suitcases.  We paired down from a large 2 bedroom in Astoria Queens, apartment to our current 1 bedroom residence and I’m not missing the space per se but I am missing my “stuff”, you know like a place to sit!  So my guy and I set out 2 weeks ago Sunday to find a suitable seating option to rest our weary bums on after a long day traversing the hills and mountains of San Francisco.   Enter Zozi’s Loft which has primo furniture at affordable pricing! We chose a great couch that is a perfect blend between mid century modern and English Chesterfield.  There was some discussion between us about the size(you can see where this is going can’t you dear readers?) but we were convinced that the couch would fit no problem and really did we want to be squished against one another while watching Castle on Monday nights? Just our luck the couch was in stock and could be delivered the next day!  Delivery!!! Oh goody!! But wait… it will be the standard $90 delivery fee through a third party delivery company,  learn to fear these words, I have.  We head home, satisfied that we will soon be the owners of this beautiful piece of upholstry, with nary a care in the world.

GOOD MORNING MONDAY!! Our couch comes today!  YAY!! I even received a call confirming the arrival.  Then I get a series of texts from my betrothed telling me the couch didn’t fit through the door.  Well, to be accurate, it fit through the apartment door but not the doorway to the living room. Tell me who, who designs homes where the doorways are not standard 36″!?!  The couch is NOT in my house, its back on the truck, and we are out $90 because, they delivered it, its our fault it didn’t fit.  I rode home on Muni heartsick that yet again I’d be spending yet another night on the floor of our living room watching basic cable(but thats a post for another day).  I called and emailed  Zozi’s Loft explained the situation and received a prompt reply that they would order us the love seat and give us store credit for the balance of the cost of our couch. Hooray the day is not lost!  Oh but we’ll have to wait a week for the love seat to arrive.  That’s fine, Dave and I will even go pick it up to save ourselves the cost of delivery.  I mean honestly all we want is our couch and to feel like renters not squatters!

The following Monday arrives and I’m anxious with anticipation!  We rented a car and drove over to the showroom to pick up our couch. Let me mention that I had made a few attempts at calling Zozi to no avail, but I shouldn’t be worried should I? (yes dear reader I should gave been). We arrived and were greeted by a salesman,  I tell him I’m there to pick up my love seat.  And he looks a little taken aback.  I explain in further detail and he makes some calls, because my love seat is not at the store, perhaps its on the truck? (even though i specifically said I was going to pick it up)  No answer from the driver, so our intrepid salesman calls the owner and after 5 minutes of quiet murmuring I’m given the phone.  It turns out that my love seat was in stock and then magically disappeared from stock and had to be reordered because there were none in San Francisco.  My love seat is on its way from LA and hasn’t as yet arrived!  Well ain’t this some #$@! Okay, be calm.  Zozi graciously offers to call us when it arrives and to deliver the love seat, at no cost to us the following day, Wednesday at the latest.  Cool in the gang, you know what, things happen, thank you and I’ll see my couch Tuesday.  We arrive home, after returning the unused Zipcar and deliberate over dinner, (our grocery delivery was pushed back to accommodate the couch moving) we’re hungry and aggravated, never a good combo.  We settle on pizza(so not Paleo) and pick it up at the local eatery to eat back at our apartment, bemoaning the fact that yet again we are eating on the floor. While we eat we stalk my iphone regarding the state of our InstaCart grocery order, both of which arrive during the appointed time by very friendly “shoppers”(i may get used to this if the delivery fee is waived every time).  Groceries away we file off to bed with a last sad look at our bare living room…

Tuesday rolls around and I’m hopeful until 4:30 creeps up on me and still no call.  Guess its Wednesday then, le sigh.  I board the Muni at 5:40 and head home saddened.  Just as I enter the tunnel my phone rings and lo and behold its the delivery man!  They are at my address, with my love seat!  (what happened to the phone call-eh who cares I have a couch!) I immediately call Dave but can’t get through to him, we are in a tunnel I’m not surprised.  As we emerge I have a few messages from Dave telling me the love seat is there, but it was only delivered to the front door they didn’t bring it inside. How is that helpful!? Ugh!  Ok fine I didn’t have to pay for it, I didn’t have to lug it up the stairs but I do have to figure out how to Tetris into the doorway.  That took a good 25 minutes but in the end we were victorious!  Dear Readers I have a couch!  Behold it in all its glory!!Image

Apartment Hunting SF style

san_franciscoSan Francisco has some interesting ways of doing real estate when it comes to renters.  The own-ess is ALL on the renter.  People come to look at apartments w/ “renters packs” in hand!  Essentially a book full of information about every aspect of your life, including full credit reports, letters of employment, letters of reference, bank statements and possibly their fertility status as well(okay there i’m exaggerating)  Its as competitive as getting your as yet unborn child into day care in NYC(I’m not exaggerating) We had been warned but again we thought we’re big bad ass New Yorkers we got this!  And for the most part we did.  Here is the search as follows:Let the mad Craigs-listing begin… My fiancee set up 5 places for us on Friday so I took the day off and we started out at 9am(we didn’t return home until almost 10pm) LONG DAY!

The first place was in a great spot but had no living room technically, unless we were prepared to live off of the kitchen in a makeshift bedroom that looked like a root cellar, next to the garbage area and laundry and smelled ever so slightly of cat pee and amonia in the hall. Needless to say we passed on that one.  It did have 1 neat little feature which was an actual water closet, which can be very nice when one person wants to continue to get ready and the other half has to poop!

The second place we didn’t even go into because the gauntlet of homeless crack heads that you had to pass through to get there was unreal. I shudder at the memory.

The third place was on a street under construction and still too close for comfort to the homeless haven gauntlet. But for whatever reason we decided to put in an application, we have heard zilch from that place but no sweat off our back. I should note that we didn’t have a renters pack ready for that place and after filling out all the info on just the rental application my guy became anxious to have a pre-filled application at the ready for next time.

The fourth place was in the area of town we ultimately will be renting in, however much further out (in outer Mongolia you’d think from the lack of English signage) and wouldn’t you know it the street was under construction! There was also a Taco Bell right across the street. While waiting for the landlord Dave and I concocted a code for ourselves, if we did not like the place we were to say “hey did you notice the Taco Bell across the street?” If one of us said yes that meant we hated the place let’s get out! We had arrived early so we had to wait around for the landlord. When he showed up we should have known this wasn’t our apartment, as if Taco Bell, Construction zone and the lack of English signage anywhere wasn’t already a big clue, the landlord had one black tooth, wild long hair, tinted sunglasses and looked like he should have been a homeless surf bum extra from the movie Point Break. He took us inside,  the blue flowered print carpet which covered the entire lobby and stairs that was matted and stained also should have clued us in. We enter this hell hole and he’s still jibber jabbering away about how many people want this place even before he’s really posted it on line, they just know about it via word of mouth. I look into the bright kitchen and see the nastiest stove top ever, I hear Dave ask me about Taco Bell.  It doesn’t get better and we finally get away from the place and escape into golden gate park to head to the other spot in inner Richmond. We dissect the apartment and the showing as we walk.  The sad part is that other apartment had decent bones but it needed to be cleaned all the carpet ripped out a paint job and some staging!  Dude was essentially a slum lord or he doesn’t care about getting in a quality type of tenant.

Untitled-1This last place was on a quiet pretty street. The rental agent didn’t follow us around and we got to really explore he place. It was pretty big and the best one we had seen and only across the park from where we wanted to be so we got info together to put in an application feeling hopeful.
Saturday we saw (read as Dave saw) another apartment but we couldn’t make it to that days viewing so we set it up for Sunday.Sunday comes and we go to the place that will be ours and it’s right in the heart of the desired neighborhood.  It’s a beautiful walk up with stucco front and Spanish tiled roof,  we are luckily in the first level.  When you enter the bathroom is right in front(kind of annoying) but it has a claw foot tub!! There’s a bay window in the bedroom, a large kitchen, a dining room / office, an outdoor space which is untended but Dave is willing to weed whack so we have a place to hang out.  There are hardwood floors,a new paint job, built ins and it’s just fantastic!! I like it so much I forget all the details and aspects! There’s a a window seat nook kind of area in he bedroom perfect for piling pillows and reading!. It’s just great!!!  I’m feeling so blessed and less stressed.  Now we need only fill it with furniture…to be continued

I blame the IT department at work…

I’m at work sketching, just as the noon hour ripens and my stomach begins growling, when I find I’ve been sucked into my daily lunch ritual of trolling my favorite websites…,

with a quick dip in the pool

, then a leisurely soak at

(please don’t ask me why its perpetually wedding-centric on top I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER THAT!),



The next thing I know I have a million ideas on how to make my living space even better, efficient, organized, functional and harmonious, my lunch is half eaten and there is a feeling in the pit of my stomach that I’m blissfully(?) ignorant of anything that happens outside of my happy blogosphere! In writing this I realize the few sites that my office allows its design team to view is incredibly limited and perhaps its not my fault!?  The IT department began systematically blocking all access to any site that could be construed as social media, or job search, inspiring, creative or interesting.  You can imagine everyone’s horror, the designers had a meltdown and threatened to go home if our access wasn’t restored. This didn’t exactly turn out how we planned and now non creatives have the right to tell us what will or will not inspire us to create new and interesting graphics, art and silhouettes with which to whet the appetites of equally non creative buyers… but I digress.  To put it succinctly(too late, I know) some days we are lucky if CNN loads!  For the sites I can view I am eternally grateful, BUT in an effort to combat my woeful ignorance of what is going on in the world at large today, I dusted off some of my bookmarked news websites (yahoo!News,,, and happened upon this little morsel which had me reeling…

I honestly believe there is absolutely NO reason to have remade this movie, and on LIFETIME, can we add insult to injury, the channel with perpetual bad B movies about battered baby’s mommas?! Its gonna be a train wreck and not help women actresses(black white brown and in between) garner more roles that are worthy of their time and talent.
In my attempts to be more informed I still managed to learn nothing that could hold the attention of a world leader, or any adult with more important things to consider besides who The Bachelorette picked as her fiancee…Le sigh, perhaps tomorrow I’ll find out something real and less…vapid?? I swear I used to be an informed individual, I should be ashamed…

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Opening Night

I love going to the movies. The smell of the popcorn, the sound of the ticket being torn, the feel of the sticky floor beneath my feet…its all a balm that soothes my weary soul…except on opening night. I hate opening nights with a deep burning passionate fire in my soul.


LOOK at all these people!

(Please let me add this is a 10pm showing, why are there 3 year old clinging to mothers legs and 10 year olds treating the bannisters like their own personal jungle gym?! )

The necessity of arriving two hours early just to stand in line to stand in line causes me to sweat and seethe with pent up frustration. To add insult to injury the theater and staff are almost always notoriously ill informed, cranky, impatient and ready to snap themselves, not that I blame them. Patrons of opening night while avid fans are bullish, coarse, ill mannered, demanding loud and refuse to obey even the smallest of social niceties.  The movie theater becomes the thunderdome, the pit, the colosseum and we all have put on our armor and war paint ready to do batttle merely to watch a movie.         .


(Those two smiling faces are friends who dared to brave the thunderdome with me and my boyfriend and are laughing at me while I write this.)  Rest assured we will prevail and The Avengers will be watched…and I will attempt to remain your friendly neighborhood peanut.